Busy Momma

So dont’ take offense if you are one of those relationships.  But I honestly do not have the energy to make you work.  I need to focus on myself and what I need to do to be a better person and a better Mom.  I have no energy to waste on tracking down what you are doing today if you do not want to let me know ahead of time or even pick up your cell phone and tell me.  I do not have energy to figure out what you should make for dinner on the nights you are home.  I do not have energy to nag you about how your day went at work.

If you want to talk to me about work, then cool let’s go.  If you want to ask me about how my day went, cool.  But I’m tire of feeling like I am rambling to someone that doesn’t give a shit what I’m saying.

I’m sure this too shall pass.  But it’s hard to breath in this house with the tension and silence.

Ahh, now I feel a little better.  This isn’t going to be over quickly, so ignore posts about relationships if you don’t want to join my pity party!

:(  I’ve gotten so used to having these two little rugrats around all the time.  They have lived for us for 4 weeks now and I’m slowly becoming devastated as the night goes away.  She says she won’t be out of town for a while now, but that will mean a long talk with her.  Cause if here husband comes back up here to live and she won’t be gone much, then I have to go get some little one’s of my own.

I can’t believe how bad this is going to hit me tomorrow when I meet up with her.  The kids have lives now and hubby is always gone with his work.  These two little dogs have become my sad little life.  And while it’s sad, it is comforting right now.  I don’t have time for more of a life than them cuddlying up to me right now while I type away on my laptop and watch movies.  lol

So I’m bummed and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’m very thankful that the kids don’t know they will only see them for a couple of hours tomorrow.  Thankfully hubby will be home by the time we get back from meeting up with my Aunt.  UGH, this is going to be horribly hard.

Because it’s 80 today and I’m sitting here with my laptop without having to cast a single time!  Yippee!  Hubby has become a fisherman now.  lol
Before it was mostly just to go to the lake and spend time with the kids.  They would just go to the lake and cast and let it sit.  This is why I get
bored.  Cast and then just let it sit?  Are you kidding me?  You better give me some riddelin then cause I’m gonna be jumping all over the place.  I get
in trouble for talking too much, for knocking on the boat if we have one, and especially for casting too much.

Now let’s introduce river fishing.  Umm, DUH!  Why have we not been doing this the whole time?  Do we not live in the salmon central?  Do
I not love salmon?  Do we not spend a lot of money buying salmon?

Soo the big difference is you constantly cast.  Yippee, not so boring, something to do.  Ok, not this season I think, but I’m’ sure I’ll
be fishing next year sometime.  For now I’m very happy that I can sit here and work without being yelled at for being loud.

Our smoker has mysteriously disappeared from my parents house and that sucks.  But our neighbors are cool and are letting us borrow there’s.
Most of the salmon is “junk”, but it smokes up really well.  Since it’s so fresh, it actually grilled up really yummy too.  I guess the Silvers will be out
this weekend, so there will be a bunch of fish stocked up in the freezer.  woohooo, lot’s of smoked and fresh salmon this winter.  MMM,
smoked salmon chowder!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I also forgot to mention that we are out here fishing and the kids are in school.  Good thing he’s bringing them back tonight or
I think we’d seriously be busted.  Almost makes you feel guilty.  ALMOST

Sigh, you knew it was coming.  So don’t read if you don’t want to, I labeled it for you to skip over.  lol

It’s a friends post of course, cause most vents are.   Or I should say a lack of friends?  No maybe a my friends suck?  Hmm, I pick “C”, all of the above.

I need some local friends, that is the truth.  But how does one go about getting friends that don’t suck?  How do you find other girls that aren’t drama queen’s?  That have to get all dressed up before they go out?  Now don’t get me wrong, I’d like to dress up now and again, but I’m a shorts and sandal’s kinda girl.  Doesn’t take me long and my hair almost always ends up in a damn ponytail by the end of the night, so why not start there most nights?  lol  K, that’s the plea for friends part of the post.  Nuff said, I know this is most women’s problem.  Finding people that they don’t feel are just telling their secrets behind their backs to everyone.

My supposed BF and I have been BFF for well over 20 years now.  Acutally it’s quite close to 30 years.  I’m not going to go through all the ups and downs of any good relationship because I’m sure you can imagine them.  We’ve survived most marriages in this country, there has to be some major upsets along the way.  Well we’ve hit another major one and I don’t know if I’ll get past it this time.  My feelings are so hurt and that doesn’t usually happen.  I’m a tough girl, but you can only walk on me so much.

Many moons ago when the oldest was a baby, our group of friends all went to vegas.  That is, all the girls went to vegas for a girls weekend.  I found out about it the week before by accident at our friends nursing school graduation.  Can you imagine how hurt I was?  Here I am 23 with a 1 year old and they are planning their trip all around me.  Hi, I realize I became invisible about 15 minutes ago, but I’m still here.  Yes I have a kid now, but does it hurt to ask if I can afford to go?  BTW, yes I could have, they got a super deal and planned it out for months.  Could have paid it off quickly.

So years later I finally got over it and needless to say we don’t hang with any of them anymore.  Boy, they were good friends weren’t they?

I knew my BFF was going on a cruise soon, she had let it slip about a month before.  I assumed that it was her and hubby going.  Wouldn’t you?  lol  When she gets back she calls to chat (we don’t talk all that much anymore) and tell me how much fun she had.  Low and behold it was her and 11 other girlfriends that went.  WTF?  WTF? WTF? WTF?  WAHHHHHH, it’s happening again, only with someone that should know just how much that would hurt me.  Oblivious of course.  I just listen to it all and act my usual self.  World’s best doormat I am. 

But I do believe that was an ending to something.  Maybe I was waiting for this sign to finally split it off.  This is most definitely not the first problem over the last few years, not by far.  Again, I wont’ go into detail here with all of it.  But they are biggies.  I always let the piddly stuff slide, I don’t have time for that crap.

Am I off base by being so upset?  The whole thing cost her $700 with the cruise and airfare.  Yes I could have come up with that over a few months.

Done with the downer, I feel a little bit better for posting, but it’s not resolved by any means.

Having online friends can suck sometimes in a very big way. Take today for example. I have a good friend that went in for surgery at 10am (hopefully went in on time). It is a major surgery. They found a mass on her lung. Everything is supposed to be routine and even “if” it’s cancerous they shouldn’t even need to do chemo for it. Just remove the 3rd lobe and all is good. It didn’t show any signs of having spread. Of course that is before they get in there.

Now a local friend I would probably be watching their kids for them, or I would at least have the option of going over and helping out while they are home recovering. But since it’s across country from me I just feel so useless! All I can do is sit here and worry.

She has a lot of things going for her, but she also has some not good health issues. She is only 29 for cryin’ out loud. You’re not supposed to be sick so young. She did already quite smoking this year before they even found the mass. So 3 cheers for not having withdrawals and surgery to recover from! Good job girl!

I know my Grandpa had a whole lung removed and that was ages ago, so medicine has gotten so much better since then. But I just can’t stand this waiting helplessly. Thankfully I have sporadic appointments to keep me busy. They are also letting me check in online to see if another friend has heard from her hubby yet. You know, the email tree? lmao

I know I will hear some news in a few hours and I know she is going to be just fine. She has a lot of positive energy behind her. But I just feel like a mommy today and I’m so worried. If I had someone to watch the kids, I’d so hop a plane right now!

So many reasons why I could have a headache I just don’t know where to start. First, I probably had too much caffeine this morning and didn’t get enough water until later in the afternoon. Which it’s only 4 here now, so it’s not like it was that late. lol Second, I’m cleaning. I mean CLEANING! I haven’t washed the tops of the cupboards for a couple of years and it’s nasty. I’m allergic to dust so go figure I have a headache. Then I figured maybe it was cause my caffeine had worn off. So I just had a few glasses of diet coke. K, I had lots of diet coke. But I’m cleaning for god sakes and I hate housework. HATE HOUSEWORK!

But I’m sure the real reason I have a headache is the reason why I am cleaning to begin with. Yes, it all started with an argument before we even got out of bed this morning. Wonderful huh? I know, gotta love those. I’m too private (I know that shocks you) to put it all in here. Who knows if anyone around locally is reading this. lol But suffice it to say, it got me doing dishes immediately after getting up. After I checked emails of course, don’t let’s be stupid. That lead to cleaning counters. Which led to trying to clean out the oven. Gave up on that sticky mess, but at least I got the chunks off. Next thing I know I’m on my hands and knees washing the floor. WTF!!! Boy that pissed me off that it had let to that. lol

Now I am half way through cleaning off the gunk from the top of the cupboards. I hope this is the last time I have to do it before we move out of here. No, we haven’t sold the house, but I want to.

Alas, my headache is getting a little better now. Funny how venting will do that. It’s almost 5 o’clock here, let alone somewhere. I’m going to do this next section of cupboards and then crack one open. Ahhhh, sounds so good right now. So much crap in here is going to goodwill it’s not funny!

Ok, it’s back. My son just asked if his friend could spend the night and my daughter wants to spend the night at hubby’s friends house. ARGHHHH, I’ve already told why I don’t want her down there. I can’t stand his stupid bitch of a wife and I don’t want my daughter around her. Good grief, that’s another 10 posts in itself.

The extra bedroom may end up cleaned today too. It’s going to be a very long night!