Today I actually felt good at the gym.  I had hubby buy the family membership right before Christmas so we can all go.  I’ve been working at it and I’m getting better about going.  I really prefer going to the new gym because no one knows me and I hate how fat I’ve gotten.  This 20 pounds is not pretty and it does embarrass me.  But obviously it hasn’t been embarrassing enough to fix it previously.

As I said, today the gym felt good.  I was pushing through my cardio just fine and was well on my way to jogging for over 20 minutes straight.  I am so thankful that my cardio comes back, but I really let it go farther than ever this time.  A lady was getting a first session with a trainer and I found myself missing that.  Missing that first contact.  Even missing those first discussions when everything you tell them goes out the other ear.  The time that you have to prove to them you know what you are talking about and let them see the results from them doing what you tell them.  The moment that they first start seeing results and they are so happy for all the work they’ve put in.  Yep, it’s the first time I’ve missed any of that.

This is such a good thing.  I’m still paying off my school loans from my degree damnit.  It was only a few months ago that I finally let go that if I don’t use this degree ever again it is ok .  It was worth the money and I’m better for having that piece of paper.  I’m proud of myself for graduating with that 3.82 while working 30 hours a week, working online and raising younger kids.  I’m not angry at paying that bill each month any longer.  Possibly that has helped this all come to light?  I know letting go of guilt has been very therapeutic in other areas of my life and with each “moment” I feel a little more wonderful.

Right now, I know I will be back to training.  I will continue to enjoy this time driving the kids around to all their things and getting my own butt back in shape.  I will go grab a new national cert and then when the time comes, I will train again.  I’m sure I will know when it’s time, life has a way of telling me as long as I’m listening.

photo credit: superwebdeveloper

I’ve had a theory but I haven’t researched it much.

I do believe that we all have a calling and it’s whether or not we choose to listen to it. I realized a long time ago that I have a gift for listening and helping people work through their issues themselves. Yes, I have thought about going back to school, but I refuse to ever be tied down to a 9-5 job again even if it would be my own scheduling.

As long as I am not in the midst of turmoil, I can easily listen to people’s problems and not internalize them as my own. I warn many people that I may not remember all the details of their issues as I truly do listen, help them work through and let it pass on because it’s not mine to keep.

My brother has had dreams ever since he could remember. He saw the deaths of two kids in high school on two different occassions before they happened. Those were by far the worst one’s he’s had, the rest is day to day things. He’s had a spiritual guide in his dreams for as long as he can remember as well. Getting creeped out yet? lol

I get more than deja vu. I have seen and had quite a few “ghosts” in the last few years. Some where very angry, others are just mischievous. One in particular is a real pain, but thankfully he has stayed away like I told him. I’m very aware of my surroundings and that there is more to it. I work hard at not opening “doors” because I know I do not have the energy to close them again.

My Dad has dreams. One such dream is the only reason he is alive. I’ll type that out later or this will get way too long. But my MATERNAL Grandmother comes to him in dreams. This is NOT his Grandma mind you. lol But I hear tell that we may have some native on his side as well and then there is the Irish who have always been pretty open to things.

My maternal Aunt has a great healing about her as well. Very calm and very good at not taking in others feelings as her own. She’s actually gotten her degree in psychology now, but doesn’t use it as a career. lol It bothers her that we do not have any healers or healing ceremonies on our reservation. I shocked her when I said, that may be because the healers were kicked out of the tribe when Grandma married Grandpa. She sat for quite a while trying to think of that. You could tell I really stumped her.

I’ve been so busy with family and work and all, that I haven’t put any research into healing ceremonies. But I have a feeling it would be good for me as well. In my spare time I’ll start looking into it, but Chrissy totally reminded me about it.

So how many of ya did I lose with this post? ROFLMAO

I’m starting this post because I need to push all the positives back into my head. It’s difficult. This week has started off rough just because I’m so emotionally burnt out. But I know there are positives in EVERY SINGLE DAY and I want to list 15 of them right this minute.

1. My kids are remarkable. Over weekend my daughter cleaned the kitchen twice without being asked and made many meals. She really stepped up.

2. My friends are awesome. They had to listen to me vent like they never have before and they did great.

3. My neighbor is awesome! When I got the call that Grandma was going down fast, he was instantly here for me. I walked over and asked if the oldest could come and stay AND her friend that was staying the weekend for us. He stayed with all the girls at my house, bought a TON of ice cream stuffs and then went home at 3:30am when I came home.

4. My dogs cuddle and nap with me. Makes you miss the times the kids would do the same. lol

5. Hubbies home from work for a few days. YIPPEE, I so have needed him home right now.

6. I’m learning the art of retail therapy. I’m glad I didn’t learn it sooner. lol Amazon is such a bad, evil friend.

7. I love candles. They smell good and they are an inexpensive calming tool.

8. I love my xmas lights I put up in the kitchen. They go great with my candles at being calming.

9. I’m so thankful that my sites and blogs are starting to make enough money that I will be strictly working from home in a near future date!

10. I love watching my seniors have a good day and do so much more in our exercise class. I also love hearing their stories

11. Hubby and I will plan a little trip away here soon. Looking forward to hitting our special getaway spot. We really do want to take the kids, but alas, it just seems to be our little secret getaway. lol

12. I live in the best place to get coffee ever. Tons of coffee choices. See, I can live for the little things too.

13. I am very thankful for tivo. It’s incredible for junkies like me. I’m really liking ondemand from comcast as well because I’m a movie/tv junkie. lol

14. I think it’s funny to text back and forth with my daughter from her bedroom. We text a lot.

15. The weather is getting better and I’m excited to be wearing sandals and flip-flops without my toes turning slightly purple. Yippee sunshine!

Want to join in on my positive focus post? Post on your blog and include a link back to here. Then come and comment with your link so I can check out your post!

I’ll be doing this periodically because it’s always good to remember the good things in our lives.