It has become official that I needed my time away from training.  I was not taking care of myself and I was letting everyone else’s issues bog down with my own.  This started about 2 years ago and it just got worse and worse.  Life stepped in and I haven’t had any training clients in almost a year.  I was glad then and I’m glad now that I have had time to work on myself.  I’m not perfect by any means and it’s taken me a really long time to work through things and move forward.  At least I feel like I’m moving forward.

Well no one can say I didn’t give it a good shot. Frankly I’m surprised it was the one prescribed to me after I finally figured out what was causing my issues.

I had a tremor so bad I would still spill my water glass when holding with two hands. I felt really stupid. The tremor even went so much as a facial tick and if I didn’t pay attention I could feel my teeth chatter slightly. Not cool and it didn’t show up until around 8 weeks into the drug.

Let me tell you, my sleep has been crap. I’ve been in that wake/sleep state for most of the night and a decent amount of tossing and turning. Plus stayed up until at least 11 both nights. Tonight looks to be no different, but darn it, I haven’t done much personal blogging lately and I just need to.

I’m thinking my body could be trying to adapt to no sleep aid and that funky sleep it’s put me in for the last couple of months. But we’ll see. I’m going to try not to take it for a while. Hubby is on vacation for spring break and I generally sleep better when he’s home.

Well my Mom opened a can of worms. Although honestly, I guess I should talk to my family about any issues I’m having. So there, I’ll take some blame. Ok, I’ll take all of the blame. But, I don’t like to talk to others about issues I’m having, let alone my family that can hold it against me forever and ever. lol I’m turning a new leaf.

Well I now can say I truly understand what everyone is saying about pharmaceutical companies. I mean, I was never on their side, don’t get me wrong. But I’d never been given a prescription before that was obviously so bad for me.

Now on my doc’s side, she is truly trying to help me with my insomnia which I asked for and really wanted help with. However, a new problem is not the answer.

Well it was obvious that something wasn’t working right with the ambien cause I wasn’t sleeping through the night very well and it would take at least an hour for me to fall asleep still. So she switched me to lunesta last week. I got the script for it on Tuesday night, but then after reading all the shit on it I didn’t take it that night. Hubby had already fallen asleep because he wasn’t feeling good and if I was going to tweak out or something I wanted him to wake up and know I’d taken it. lol Yeah, I’m a drug pansy.

Is it night 4? I can’t keep track now and I’m too lazy this Sunday morning to go look it up.

I’ll be calling the doc on Tuesday. I did like my friend said and I took it well before I was off to bed. Then stayed up and watched some Olympics with hubby for 30-45 minutes. I did crash as soon as my head hit the pillow, cool beans. But I still woke up a few times during the night and it’s supposed to be taking care of that. So I’ll call her and tell her about that.

I will keep an eye on my caffeine today and see if that is any cause of my sleeplessness. This stuff is helping me get to sleep ok as long as I lay down and relax. BUT, I woke up at least 3 times last night. So somethings not right. I have the rest of the long weekend to figure out what could be causing it and then I’ll call her on Tuesday when she gets back in the office.

Hmm, well I have a feeling I’ll end up calling my docs on Tuesday when she gets back to work. Since I had to take the whole pill the first night, I just popped the full dose first thing last night. I’m pretty sure I feel asleep before the pill even hit me as the stress of the day really wore me out. I couldn’t wait to get to sleep last night to get away from the body aches and upset stomach.

Told you there would probably be multiple posts going on for a bit. Yeah, this is the second part of treatment. Finally admitting and doing something about my emotional feelings. As I believe I wrote in my post this morning, I really hate drugs. I have control issues and drugs take all control away. I know that is one reason why I stay away from them.

Then I come from a good line of addicts. Typically it’s alcohol, but there have been drugs in there as well. My brother says he has the same fear of drugs and getting addicted because of our family history.