But today was Spring cleaning. Yeah, you heard me right. It’s Feb. 21st and we are Spring cleaning. It’s in the 60′s and not a cloud in the sky. El Nino has been here all Winter and we never did get one. We had such high hopes when we hit the slopes on Nov. 15th. lol What a teaser that was!

I’ll take the kids up a couple more times just because we’ve already paid for it with our season passes. But I have a feeling we’ll be lucky to get 2 more weeks in unless some miracle of snow happens. Again, working on being ok with that.

But as I stood at my kitchen window watching my hubby mow the lawn for the first time of the season I was hit with thankfulness. He’s been home for 4 weeks on Wed. with his calf injury. He barely limped as he mowed the lawn. I’m so very thankful that the injury wasn’t worse and he can still go rock his job soon. I’m thankful he’s so healthy and so strong that the damage was so minimal even though it didn’t seem so at the time. Thankful that because of this he also healed so quickly.

Have you stopped and given thanks for something small in your life recently?

My husband brought me up skiing at Crystal Mountain. I’ve only been on the slopes for the last 4 years I think, much less than my current 36 years. lol But he grew up going there and there is a seriously good code there. I hate to get into the fact that it’s more expensive to ski there, I truly do hate to get into that. BUT…

This is the first year we’re almost exclusively ski/boarding at Snoqualmie Pass because the price is the only thing we could afford. The difference is night and day on the slopes. Big time serious and if hubby wasn’t so good and easy going, they could be lifethreatening. He is constantly having to hurt himself to not hit stupid people and move fast. Not worth his slight injuries because he works his day job to save people. His daily life should not be spent as such having to think of others first so much.

So I’m hoping I can make enough money to pay for half our ski passes next year. It’s a big amount, a truly big amount. But it’s closer, it’s where he grew up skiing and it’s just an incredibly different vibe. Here’s to things some of you may not think about or just may not give a damn and I’m here to tell you that you’d better. I’ll get you and/or your kids passes banned quick. I’m done.

Staff wise, OMG, no difference. We LOVE the staff at Snoqualmie Pass. Truly, I think we like them better than the staff at Crystal. We’ve never made the bar or ski lift connection like we have at the Summit. So good and bad.

But we are talking about etiquette here. I’ll label it new money because that is all I have to use. But most lately, have smelled of new money. They are more worried about making more and letting their kids have more than they are about raising their kids right, with good ideals and good ethics. I grew up with many that were loaded and were awesome, so that is why I put this label on it.

This will begin a series on ski etiquette. Sorry if it bores you, but this is the top of my current list. It’s something I live at least weekly and the last weekend was HORRIBLE with little shits. I stopped skiing because I was ready to pop some kids heads off and I couldn’t find their parents around.

I’m looking forward to watching it just because of the message. As a fire wife, I’ve already been through some seriously rough times. Rougher than most departments because of the in-the-line-of-duty death of our Chief. No, I’m not patting my own back. I’m truly saying that even though I’ve only been a fire wife for 8ish years, 2 of those paid, I’ve seen way more and walked through more than I hope ANY other wife has gone through.

I want to watch this movie to see if it takes it beyond the cheesy stuff I see wives complain about or if it takes it a step beyond and hits the issues my true friends who are truly there for their hubby’s are working through.

It’s 12:33am on thanksgiving.  I had dinner at my parents house and am over the tummy ache now.  Yes, I’ve had some wine since then, but since I had only one meal my calorie count is probably uber good. lol

So I sent son and my nephew to bed after lots of old school movies.  Alien, Alien 2 and then resident evil.  Hasn’t watched resident evil 3 yet, just caught 2 at one time.  But it was getting late and I am tired.

It may be worse cause hubby is obviously busy, I didn’t get a nite, love you on the text tonight and that’s usually ok.  But then I turned on Leno.  It’s a dedication to Cali firefighters.  K, usually, not so whatever, we have a crap load of firefighters everywhere.  BUT, as you know, we lost our Chief to a Cali wildfire

One thing I’m not sure I have mentioned before.  The due date for our oldest child was July 26.  That’s a date a Mom never forgets, even if you are not born on it.  Then 13 years later, our Chief passes away on it.  Again, it is not a date I will ever forget.  You may remember where you were on 9/11 and I do as well, but i remember where I was when our other chiefs got the initial call (we didn’t know yet) and I will forever remember the page going out for an important meeting on a sunday am and the 1.5 hour wait to find out what was so important.  OMG, I’m a wreck right now.  I literally can’t wait for him to come home in the morning.

I’ve been doing so well.  But right now all I keep thinking of it’s his families first holidays without him.  The tears are literally rolling down my face and I’m running out of tissue.  I can’t wait to hug my hubby tomorrow when he gets home.  I didn’t get to text much with him tonight so I’m sure that doesn’t help, he’s always at the busy stations.  That is good, but tonight, not so much.

Yes, I am looking for support.  YES, I will talk to him tomorrow about it.  I had to help him and his friends so much through it that I only got to deal a little bit.  I’m a “bitch” so I need to be the hardass and the shoulder when my boys cry, but I am still a silly, hormonal woman that can’t deal like the rest of them.  I love every single one of them and I better never go through this again.  So help me if it’s one of them I’m truly attached to they will regret ever meeting me after I get up there.  lol

I hope that his wife ran away with the girls tomorrow.  Or maybe she’s stronger than I am and is cooking dinner for the family.  Whatever she is doing my whole being is with her in support this holiday season.  It’s going to be Christmas soon without her beloved husband, their Daddy and their Grandpa.  OMG how do you even go there when he was only 47?  How do you move on without your best friend?

K, I should mention that this maybe started last week.  My son and I were in the tacotime drive through and the stupid Brad Paisley song came on from Chief’s funeral.  I was the strong one until it came up and the video came on with all the boys when they brought him off the plain from cali.  Oh man, maybe I didn’t blog about it, maybe I better relook at what I’ve written and reblog.  It’s possible I’m sure I didn’t blog about it.  Anyway it was “When I get where I am going”.  Sad enough song to listen to.  But try watching a slide show of the Chief being LITERALLY brought home in his coffin on the plane and transported on his beloved engines home.  While all the boys are crying.  My poor son, lol, he didn’t know what was wrong and he’s a softie.  I’m literally tearing up in the drive thru and can’t help it.  lol  I’m dabbing and trying to stop the tear flow, but no success.

So that started it only a few days ago.  I haven’t heard that song until last week.  So it is meant to remind me to hug the hell out of my hubby and appreciate every second with him.  I know he had a bad call recently where the guy was really burnt up.  We couldn’t say it, but the tears in his eyes told me he thought of the pain Chief must have been in when he died.  I’ve been with him too long to not read through the big buy act.

Hug your family tomorrow please, if you can’t hug them, then please do call and tell them how much you appreciate and love them.  You just never know when the time is up.

So we’re putting it all together.  Life is in perspective.  All our stupid stuff that we were fighting over before it happened, honestly does not matter anymore.  It’s hard to even remember the petty things that seemed important then.

It has gotten easier for me because I am not at the station all the time.  But I know it will take longer for all of them to get better.  I am going to push hubby towards counceling I think.

I held strong on Sunday for hubby.  I went and bought a ton of food.  Cooked enough to make any italian grandma proud and I’m not italian.  lol  Asked if he wanted to be alone or invite friends over and I sucked up my own feelings easily and hugged him and helped him.  We went to bed when we got the page that they had recovered his body.  That was too much for either of us to deal with.  (btw, one kid is on vacation with friends and my parents took the youngest while we deal)

Anyway, Monday it started hitting me.  Crying at the drop of a hat.  Flags at half mass everywhere.  Billboards on all the businesses with prayers and thoughts to all of us and his family.  There are black curtains over the bay doors at our station down the street.  I was on the way down to my senior citizen class I teach and realized that i had to let them know in case the memorial was during our class time.

I held on the whole class and then when we chilled out to stretch I brought it up and lost it.  I’m so thankful for them.  They all said to let it all out and that they are here for me.  This is 19 women and 2 men that were strangers up until a march of this year.  They are wonderful!  So now they are helping me talk through it as well.

My biggest problem is thinking of that car driving up.  I know any of you with spouses in one of the services knows what I’m talking about.  I make sure that we do not fight before he goes to work because you just never know.  But i just think of that car pulling up to tell her and how she knew before she even opened the door what they were going to say.  I leave the room when the end of Ladder 49 starts and always have.  I can’t cope with it and now hubby may understand why I can’t.  It’s the worse nightmare come true and now it’s hit so close to home.  His poor family.

We went to a friends house on Sat. night and were having a great time.  Lots of people partied extra hard.  I however drank myself silly with real pepsi and diet pepsi.  Not the norm and it was fun freaking people out.  lol  Anyway, I let people drive home that said they were ok and I had slight doubts, but only slight.

Sunday morning we get a page and hubby has pager and cell phone on his side of the bed and I’m used to it all going off so I’m not paying attention to it until I hear him talking to someone that he needs to go to the meeting and does he know what is going on.  K, I’m awake.  It’s 7am on Sunday.  WTF is going on baby?  Hubby gets up with a huge hangover that I do not have thankfully and tells me there is a meeting at 8am and everyone needs to be there.

You can guess what that means.  There is no other reason why a meeting can’t wait until monday morning.  OMG, who is it that didn’t make it?  Hubby talked to one best friend and thankfully while he was in the shower and I was still processing I answered his cell phone to our very best friend.  Guilt and thankfullness it wasn’t them.  But I was still sick that it might be someone else I’d let drive and they weren’t ok to drive.  WAKE UP CALL, yes it is.

The meeting was for 8am and hubby was home at 8:28am.  Eyes red and he of course can’t stop crying.  I hate to even ask who it is.  I hope to never, ever have to ask who it was.  But it was our Chief.  The man who built our huge fire empire up here and hired every one of them.

I didn’t know him very well but those around me did.  My father was on city council for 14 years and thankfully hubby told me not to tell him yet.  We were still in media lockdown and i was getting lots of calls and texts already asking what was going on.  But we were supposed to go to my great aunts memorial and that would have been really bad for my dad if he had that on top of it.

So much more will be posted about this but this is long enough.  It’s 12:23 on Thursday morning and it feels like a month has gone by since Sunday morning.

But here is my problem.  My blogs are making me much more money than anything else at this time.  And the more productive my blogs are, the more help I can afford to hire to make my other sites work.  I know the sites will be where the true big money is at.

Oh look, I got totally off topic again.  What a surprise, NOT!

I’m lonely and it’s a hard thing to talk to hubby about.  We have friends that are breaking up because of cheating so my being lonely does not look good.  I know how his brain will wrap around it and I don’t like it.  So I’d prefer to start a blog about it and get response from others.  Something for the new year I guess.  Not going to do it tonight.  It’s late enough already.

My heart and thoughts go out to the fallen fire fighters in Charleston. May their families and fellow brothers find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their mourning. I have been unable to go an hour today without thinking of all of you going through this.

Yes, if you have read my blog for a little while you know that my hubby is a fireman. He has been for 7 years now as a volunteer and was hired full-time in Feb. My only comfort at a time like this is knowing that these men died doing something they truly loved. Even though this is a tragedy that is by no means the norm, it was still with a heavy heart that I sent him off to work yesterday morning.

Even though we are new to the department, I already understand that the IAFF is a brotherhood like no other. I know that you will have help and comfort for many years to come. There is truly no other profession that pulls together in a time of need like the fire fighters.

Please take time out of your day today and over the weekend to say thank you for the men that gave their life looking to save another. And also for the continued safety of those all around you that will gladly do this to save yours.

Which I’m glad he did. He bumped up to graduating #6 out of 34 as of the last test. There is still one test not graded (no worries he about him passing it) and I’m not sure if it counts towards their placement in the class or not. This was the man that told everyone he would need a ton of help on the book work. He lacks confidence and sometimes it pisses me off.

I know this is why we are soul-mates for lack of an uncheesy term. We honestly do complete each other. I’m a bitch and he’s mellow. He is underconfident and I have an abundance of it. lol I tend to get fired up immediately about things and he can sit back and analyze it with less emotion. That last one may be a female/male thing, not sure. All I know is it made me laugh thinking about it today after I knew he had completed the last of the tests. I realized that I had done this same talk while he was away at college. I was still in high school and talking him through it all over the phone.

But I’m incredibly proud of him. I can’t wait to get up to the academy with the kids in the morning and meet all of these people I’ve heard about for the last 10 weeks. Especially all of the Capt.’s that have really inspired him to work even harder.

We were going to go to vegas and that would be our anniversary trip and also his graduation present. But then we decided better of it. Of course by this time it is way too late to be getting anything that has actual meaning for his gift. ARGH! Dawned on my Monday that I had nothing to give him at all and that didn’t sit well. So I decided to hit the store I bought his Vanmark Fire Dept. figurines this morning in hope that that was where I actually bought them last time. It sure was the place, but they haven’t carried them in 2 years at least and had no idea where else might. She didn’t think they were even made anymore. AHHHH, not cool. So I went to hallmark and racked my brain for where I’d seen them before. I really hate to have to leave our hill. The other hill is so damn busy.

Hallmark had the name of another store to give a call and that would have been my next hit. But for somereason it dawned on me that I had seen them at a little jewelry store when I took my neighbor there a couple of times. Sure enough, not only did they have 1 of the figurines. But it is the one I REALLY wanted. Unseen Guardian has been out for quite some time now. At least 3 or 4 years. That is about how long ago it was I bought the other figures. lol So I was happy to see it was the one that I knew hubby liked. Now the price on that site is only half of what I paid for. Let me remind you that these are collectibles and are numbered. So the numbers are quite high now over the years. I bought 1/0001. Yep, close to tears. It’s 1/0001. How is that for significance for his graduation? Solidifies my ideal that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. How else could 1/0001 be here in the small jewelers in Bonney Lake? Oh, while I was there, I did put my wish list in for rings. bahahaha Read above, I told you I was a bitch.

K, this post got super long, sorry about that. I’ll post more tomorrow night after meeting everyone. He was supposed to call me tonight after they got back, but no surprise he didn’t. Only 14 more hours until I get to see him again and then another 24 until he’s home for good. YIPPEEE, let life begin anew!

Please remind me to go to this post when his work schedule is driving me crazy and he’s in my space.