Start Healing – No Regrets
June 4, 2009 by queen of all
Filed under relationships
This will be a long series of very serious posts. I have healing to do and I’m totally not afraid to do it publicly in hopes that it helps others realize things in their life.
In the last year I have had 3 major people pass in my life. Thankfully I learned a lesson with the first passing and I want to pass on that lesson in hopes that even one person can pull information from it.
My new life lesson and what I am striving to live by is NO REGRETS.
My Aunt Dolores was the first really close relationship I have lost in my adult years. Yes, I do know I’m lucky that it didn’t happen until I was 36. I’m so, so lucky! But it was a shock.
Thankfully I had moved appointments, lost money, and spent money I didn’t have to to spend. I went to Reno and I went to breakfast when I should have been at appointments, but all the women in the family were meeting up. I got to hear I love you and I got to say I love you. She passed just a month later. She wasn’t sick, there was no warning. But I have so much happiness that I spent those last times with her that I want it to always be like that when someone passes.
My Great-Uncle Russ passed on Valentine’s day. I have blogged about all of this, but I didn’t make the trek up to see him that one last time. I couldn’t do it. I really couldn’t. I work hard at remembering that I couldn’t make that decision at the time. But I did see him and sit with him this last Summer and many times before. So no reason to have regrets there.
My Grandma passing is an odd one for me to work with. It’s awakened some issues of my family dynamics. It’s opened my eyes to the awesomeness of having all 6 of my parents still alive. I have my two parents and also 2 sets of in-laws. I’m truly blessed because I will truly miss any of them when they pass. But it’s also opened up to some major years I may have missed because of someone that had no right to butt in.
I went to my Grandma’s bedside, I also went to breakfast with her just two weeks before. I was there when they took her off of her life support. I’m going to forever work hard at not having regrets about the relationship I could have had and didn’t. I’m going to work hard forever not to blame someone in my life that filled me with hateful things and ruined that relationship. Because by carrying the poison with me, I may pass the same to my kids and that would be my biggest regret ever. I want to pass on no hate to my kids EVER.
Melvin Ferrer on Fri, 5th Jun 2009 12:16 pm
Life is one big crazy maze that we all go through. I know how you must feel. My mother passed away last year, she was more to me then anything else in this world. She was the cement that held all the blocks together in our family and without her I feel as if the wall is coming down. The reason I feel that it was so difficult was that I was at the point in my life where I felt I was creating my own life and the guilt that often comes with having to leave home and take care of your own business rather then your families’ was exponentially multiplied by my moms sudden diagnosis of NHL type Cancer. Diagnosed in the early stage, it moved so quickly that she passed away a little more then a month later.
My mother’s brother, my uncle, a priest always said, “In the end it’s all about relationships.” Its true, it’s the reason why we are grounded when we are children, to keep us away from our friends. It’s what makes a breakup with someone we love so difficult. It’s the same reason why inmates are placed in solitary confinement when they do not obey the rules. It’s the same reason why when we lose someone, a part of us feels as if we have been destroyed because we have lost that relationship.
But in the end, it is the same thing that helps us become a better person, its what pushes us to find a new love, it’s what disciplines us, and it’s what makes us rebuild and keep going in our lives.
queen of all on Fri, 5th Jun 2009 12:45 pm
Oh Melvin, I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your Mother. That must be truly hard to deal with since she passed while you are still young and you expected so much more time with her.
Last night it was hitting me how lucky I am to still have so much family in my life. It does scare me to think of losing some of those family members closest to me. It worries me how I will work through it. How will I help my kids and my husband through the grief when I will be so taken down?
By working hard at having no regrets, I’m hoping that this will help ease thse future losses. Since I plan on having many good memories to pull from.
Chrissy on Fri, 5th Jun 2009 10:06 pm
I admire you doing this…
I have tried and continue to try to implement this in our lives…it ain’t always easy, sometimes it feels almost impossible with things that have happened in the past year.
By following these posts, it gives me the strentgh to continue to try and succeed at it. Just sitting here thinking about it, there are so many things I do not regret and I didn’t realize how freeing it is of your feelings about things in life to look back and say, I wouldn’t have changed that or that or even that. Even on somethings that weren’t very good…I am looking at the dynamic of how it affected my life…did I learn something from it, has it shaped the way I do things now? If it has than how can you regret it, right?
Your like that person, that keeps you on the right track, like a work out buddy LOL. Thank you!
Chrissy’s last blog post..Tesing my Blockquote
queen of all on Sat, 6th Jun 2009 9:38 am
I’ll keep trying. Today we are having a big open house at my Aunt’s and lots of family I haven’t seen in a long time. I mean a LONG time. My mom being there in the mix is what will be uncomfortable. But again, her actions and/or words are not mine to apologize for in any way. I’ll work hard at remembering that.
You can expect another healing post tomorrow.
Oh and Chrissy being a coach is my calling. I think I will go post my thoughts on that right now and freak everyone out some. ROFL You’d appreciate it, but some might go ahhhhh and runaway.
Native Healers : Busy Momma on Sat, 6th Jun 2009 10:10 am
[...] Chrissy reminded me of something when she said “Your like that person, that keeps you on the right track, like a work out buddy LOL. Thank you!” on my Start Healing post. [...]
dance folk on Tue, 15th Dec 2009 9:37 am
I agree whole heartedly with you, he told me the same thing pretty much word for word… he also says he feels differently now that when he thought he was loosing me it changed his whole perspective, Im going to try to move on and hope that this situation will in time bring us closer together thanx