First Holidays
My friends sent me a phone pic from hawaii when they ate breakfast from their balcony this morning. It was 29 degrees at the time here so I apreciated the pic to make my phone wallpaper and to warn them it was going to truly suck next week when they get home. lol What else is a sister to do? I said I was jealous, but thank you for sending me the pic, it looks so cool on my phone!
It’s 12:33am on thanksgiving. I had dinner at my parents house and am over the tummy ache now. Yes, I’ve had some wine since then, but since I had only one meal my calorie count is probably uber good. lol
So I sent son and my nephew to bed after lots of old school movies. Alien, Alien 2 and then resident evil. Hasn’t watched resident evil 3 yet, just caught 2 at one time. But it was getting late and I am tired.
It may be worse cause hubby is obviously busy, I didn’t get a nite, love you on the text tonight and that’s usually ok. But then I turned on Leno. It’s a dedication to Cali firefighters. K, usually, not so whatever, we have a crap load of firefighters everywhere. BUT, as you know, we lost our Chief to a Cali wildfire
One thing I’m not sure I have mentioned before. The due date for our oldest child was July 26. That’s a date a Mom never forgets, even if you are not born on it. Then 13 years later, our Chief passes away on it. Again, it is not a date I will ever forget. You may remember where you were on 9/11 and I do as well, but i remember where I was when our other chiefs got the initial call (we didn’t know yet) and I will forever remember the page going out for an important meeting on a sunday am and the 1.5 hour wait to find out what was so important. OMG, I’m a wreck right now. I literally can’t wait for him to come home in the morning.
I’ve been doing so well. But right now all I keep thinking of it’s his families first holidays without him. The tears are literally rolling down my face and I’m running out of tissue. I can’t wait to hug my hubby tomorrow when he gets home. I didn’t get to text much with him tonight so I’m sure that doesn’t help, he’s always at the busy stations. That is good, but tonight, not so much.
Yes, I am looking for support. YES, I will talk to him tomorrow about it. I had to help him and his friends so much through it that I only got to deal a little bit. I’m a “bitch” so I need to be the hardass and the shoulder when my boys cry, but I am still a silly, hormonal woman that can’t deal like the rest of them. I love every single one of them and I better never go through this again. So help me if it’s one of them I’m truly attached to they will regret ever meeting me after I get up there. lol
I hope that his wife ran away with the girls tomorrow. Or maybe she’s stronger than I am and is cooking dinner for the family. Whatever she is doing my whole being is with her in support this holiday season. It’s going to be Christmas soon without her beloved husband, their Daddy and their Grandpa. OMG how do you even go there when he was only 47? How do you move on without your best friend?
K, I should mention that this maybe started last week. My son and I were in the tacotime drive through and the stupid Brad Paisley song came on from Chief’s funeral. I was the strong one until it came up and the video came on with all the boys when they brought him off the plain from cali. Oh man, maybe I didn’t blog about it, maybe I better relook at what I’ve written and reblog. It’s possible I’m sure I didn’t blog about it. Anyway it was “When I get where I am going”. Sad enough song to listen to. But try watching a slide show of the Chief being LITERALLY brought home in his coffin on the plane and transported on his beloved engines home. While all the boys are crying. My poor son, lol, he didn’t know what was wrong and he’s a softie. I’m literally tearing up in the drive thru and can’t help it. lol I’m dabbing and trying to stop the tear flow, but no success.
So that started it only a few days ago. I haven’t heard that song until last week. So it is meant to remind me to hug the hell out of my hubby and appreciate every second with him. I know he had a bad call recently where the guy was really burnt up. We couldn’t say it, but the tears in his eyes told me he thought of the pain Chief must have been in when he died. I’ve been with him too long to not read through the big buy act.
Hug your family tomorrow please, if you can’t hug them, then please do call and tell them how much you appreciate and love them. You just never know when the time is up.
