Take his mind off of it
Monday I decide we should take Dad’s mind off of the death of our chief. Let’s go see the Dark Knight. OMG, wrong choice! I had no idea there would be so many deaths of the police dept. I lost it. Not only did they have the funeral procession and everyone in their blues like I will see next week, but the car pulled up in front of the cops house to tell his wife. Damn it don’t do that!
I held strong on Sunday for hubby. I went and bought a ton of food. Cooked enough to make any italian grandma proud and I’m not italian. lol Asked if he wanted to be alone or invite friends over and I sucked up my own feelings easily and hugged him and helped him. We went to bed when we got the page that they had recovered his body. That was too much for either of us to deal with. (btw, one kid is on vacation with friends and my parents took the youngest while we deal)
Anyway, Monday it started hitting me. Crying at the drop of a hat. Flags at half mass everywhere. Billboards on all the businesses with prayers and thoughts to all of us and his family. There are black curtains over the bay doors at our station down the street. I was on the way down to my senior citizen class I teach and realized that i had to let them know in case the memorial was during our class time.
I held on the whole class and then when we chilled out to stretch I brought it up and lost it. I’m so thankful for them. They all said to let it all out and that they are here for me. This is 19 women and 2 men that were strangers up until a march of this year. They are wonderful! So now they are helping me talk through it as well.
My biggest problem is thinking of that car driving up. I know any of you with spouses in one of the services knows what I’m talking about. I make sure that we do not fight before he goes to work because you just never know. But i just think of that car pulling up to tell her and how she knew before she even opened the door what they were going to say. I leave the room when the end of Ladder 49 starts and always have. I can’t cope with it and now hubby may understand why I can’t. It’s the worse nightmare come true and now it’s hit so close to home. His poor family.
