Busy Momma

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of Lisa’s articles.  This one just can’t be missed.  It reminds me of the fact that we don’t even let my best friend wash the knives at my house.  I’ll try harder to remember to post her stuff for all of you to read.

Cooking Up a Comedy of Errs
©Lisa Barker

On September 6, 2007 I, Lisa Barker, did not burn, cut or maim myself when I cooked dinner.

Don’t laugh.  This is a big feat.  If there were chain mail I could wear while cooking dinner my husband would buy it for me.  But he would have it asbestos-lined because, he reminds me, metal is a great conductor of heat and without him to look out for me, I might be writing a future column from the burn unit of a hospital somewhere.

So the next day I ventured into the kitchen, perhaps with a bit too much confidence, and burned my finger and stabbed it twice before I got dinner to the table.

My body is a battlefield of scars and nicks from the culinary wars.  The end result is usually a great meal, but not without sacrifice.

Take cheese graters for example.  I never know which knuckle I’m going to sacrifice that day.  Hot oil.  That’s a burn waiting to happen whether it’s a splash, a spill or worse, a deep fried fingertip.  So I try to limit the amount of deep fried food we eat—for my own longevity.  I don’t think our insurance covers accidentally french-frying yourself.

I can’t even cook toast without injuring myself.  How, you might ask?  It’s very simple.  My hand is drawn to the hottest spot on the toaster.  Yeah, that’s right—the part where the bread is supposed to go.

The most injuries happen just before I serve.  It never fails.  While kids are clamoring and tripping over themselves to either help or get first dibs on the food, Mom is earning a new scar.  I’m in a hurry and the kids are congregating and the same thing happens every night.

“Mom, what’s for dinner?”

“Food!” everyone else replies.

I don’t have to say anything anymore because the rest of the family chimes in to give the same answers to the same questions asked every night while I drop a hot potato pancake on my foot.

“What kind of food?”

“Edible food!” they chorus, while I cut my hand on the sharp edge of the lid of the applesauce can.

“What did you do now, Woman?”  My husband is tallying the bruises, blisters and cuts for the evening.

“Nothing,” I always say.

“Do you need any help?”

“No, I can kill myself just fine on my own.”

Later the kids are inspecting the sausages carefully and wondering out loud if any looks like a finger.  “Tastes like chicken, right?”

You know, after an evening of this I need something I can do to relax.  My husband suggested I get a hobby.  I like to do home improvements.

So I bought power tools….

. . . . . . . . . . .
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom™, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!

Well relationships are falling apart all around me.  We are in a good spot though, so i guess I can deal with everyone else’s crap.  Our best friends just broke up, or did they, yes, no, yes, no, back to yes again.  They are so pitiful and they know it.  lol  They love each other but the long distance is so not working.  She just came and spent the night with us (whole other story, lmao) and of course he had to come over and get his dog.  I didn’t know how they would do.  But all we can do is see.

Then hubby’s best friend is finally ready to get divorced.  They’ve been together for 20 years I think and married for 14 or 15.  He never should have married her and we all told him so.  And we DON’T give advice like that cause it’s hurtful.  So he’s awake and done with his relationship.  She’s moved out…to the extra bedroom!  See all the drama?  Oh wait, it’s gonna get better!

Third couple in our life.  This one will be the long one because it has a moral to the story.  Our kids have been friends since the girls were in Kindergarten.  The boys are the same age and are best friends, so of course this is an ideal friendship for all of us.  Everyone gets along well and we can swap kids back and forth at will.  lol  Well she went on an extended vacation to a friends house and I thought this was weird cause she never goes anywhere.  But whatever.  It got more weird when she called me and said “I told you I wouldn’t be home until blah, blah, right?”  Umm, no, but we can work around that, I’ll figure out what to do with the kids in the morning.

So we do end back up swapping the kids in the morning for the carpools to school and she comes out and asks if we can hook up for coffee or lunch cause she wants to talk to me.  She then proceeds to cryptically say that things are going to change some and she wants to talk about it.  Well in my book that means two things.  Divorce or new baby.  Since none of us can have more kids I pretty much assumed it was the first one.   But we didn’t hook up that day and then Thanksgiving happened.

Well the divorce was confirmed last night.  The kids wanted to get together, so hubby dropped them off over there.  Half the furniture was gone and it was just the hubby making a big dinner for all his family to come over.  Cool, we know the kids will have fun and we love him to death.  Within 1/2 hour I get a text from my daughter saying that the Mom had moved out and they are getting divorced, but no one’s supposed to know yet.  We text back and forth because I’m just worried how the kids are taking it and she says they are doing ok with it right now.

Then my cell rings at 10:45.  We crashed early so I’m in a super good sleep.  Good enough that I don’t really notice it ringing in real life.  lol  When I got the second call back to back, I woke up and it was my daughter.  The Mom was coming to pick up the kids because some not so nice things were said in front of the kids about her, blah, blah, blah, she’s such fucking drama.  I didn’t even get the same story from the kids that she said, she just wants to be the center of the damn world.

Anyway, my daughter says I need to call the Mom.  UGH, it’s 11pm and I just woke up.  I have no brain cells to deal with this shit yet!  But of course I call immediately and I get the lowdown.  Would have loved to get it over coffee IN DAYLIGHT!  She’s moved in with a guy and they are getting divorced.  She tried to do the typical dig out of the marriage has been over for a while and she knows this wasn’t the right way to go about it, blah, blah whatever.  But he’s great and she’s going to go pick up the kids, but wanted to make sure it was ok with me.  yeah, sure, whatever, I AM NOT AWAKE YET!

I get off the phone and my brain finally clicks in.  Umm, I haven’t met this guy.  I have no idea where they live.  And I’m going to let her take the kids.  Besides the fact that when I get up in the morning I KNOW I’m going to be seriously pissed of that I let the kids go down there to two cheaters.  Ok, see, I woke up.  I called her back and told her I wasn’t comfortable with it all.  That I’m not choosing sides or anything and we can hook up and talk, but that I just don’t feel comfortable.

Go get dressed, drive to pick up kids.  She shows up right after I got the kids in my car.  She looked totally pissed and didn’t even wave in my direction.  I’m so glad I did the right thing and picked them up.  I don’t want them around the argueing either.  Especially when I have never agreed with the way she treated him to begin with.  Then to cheat on him too.  How do I end this without the kids having to lose their friends?  I just can’t be around someone with such low morals that they can’t end their marriage before the start a relationship.  I consider her a coward and I’ve always known she was selfish.  But this takes the cake.  Anyone gone through this and can give me some pointers?

See, told ya it was going to be long!  And this is just their relationship.  I could post forever about the second couple I referred to.

You can tell it’s still freeze your butt cold out there, but the sun is shining so bright it hurts my eyes here in the house.  The frost is mostly melted already and it’s only 9:30.  But I’m sure that is deceiving.  It’s probably still in the 30’s out there.  lol

There isn’t a cloud in the sky and I know why.  It’s been pre-destined that I put my Christmas lights up today.  roflmbo  Someone is giving me the extra push to get my butt out there and light up the nights for all my neighbors.  tee-hee-hee

So I say, let there be light!  Hubby better not have thrown away very many of the outdoor lights.  I’ll just go buy more darn it!

Is there anyone that shops online that hasn’t bought from Amazon? I know this is the one site that I return to over and over. Even though I have to pay sales tax because, darn it, so many of the great online companies are here in my state. lol Oh well, free shipping is free shipping.

Anyway, Amazon is jumping in with both feet this Black Friday. The best deals have not been released yet. But there are already a ton of great savings in all departments going on.

While you’re shopping make sure and enter to win a $10,000 shopping spree.

I’m going to be off to shop for more books. I’ve gone through all of mine and will need some down time this holiday season.

Thanksgiving should be fun this year.  Especially since our commute will only be an hour.  Typically we end up taking the trip to my MIL’s and that was 4-5 hours.  But she has moved closer and now it’s only an hour.  woohoo

I called her today and of course was told that she had everything.  But my SIL is bringing the pies.  So now I feel like a little kid not bringing anything.  I’ll bring some crappy appetizers, but ugh.  Not happy about it and I didn’t realize that until now.  No one to blame, but myself.  I know she always says we don’t need to bring anything, so we should have made plans to bring what we wanted.

I’ll console myself with the fact that while my SIL does work full-time plus, their kids are grown and they didn’t have custody of them anyway.  I don’t know for sure, having never experienced it myself, but I’m sure that gives you more time to play with recipes.  lol  K, I feel better now.  Atleast until tomorrow.  But by then we should all be together and having fun.  It won’t matter then.

I am making some different dips for the veggie tray.  I don’t want just the same old ranch.

What part of sexy or comfy lingerie isn’t about indulging yourself? I believe it all is. Sure I may wear something more sexy for my husband. But you know what? I’m ultimately wearing it because of the way I feel while wearing it. I am sexy and I am confident.

Comfy jammies just go without saying. They are what we’d like to wear everyday. It’s what I don’t get out of on Sunday’s while I watch football. lol

Bare Necessities is having a huge sale on Black Friday. You will get another 20% off already clearanced name brands. The prices on this site are incredible already. With names like Calvin Klein, Goddess, and Juicy Couture. So many choices, for you, your buddies or your loved one. Enjoy browsing Women’s, Maternity and Men’s undergarments of all types.

While at Bare Necessities make sure and shop the sexy Mrs. Santa outfits. You’re covered, but feeling great for that fun Christmas Eve of putting all the toys together.

I am not sure if I can come up with 7 anymore. They may be nit-picky one’s. lol Lauren tagged me for this meme and I think I may have done it a couple of times before.

But here are my things you don’t know about me.

1. I’m a caffeine addict. Hmm, did you notice that? Well you could have noticed it, but I’m also not picky about where the caffeine comes from. Diet rockstars are my favorite, but I’ll drink most energy drinks. I love coffee. Drip or espresso it doesn’t matter. I was in the coffee industry for about 13 years before becoming a personal trainer, so all coffee is good.

2. I hate trampoline’s. Yes, I am paranoid about them, but with good reason. We had a friend get a serious injury while jumping on one. Then another friends younger brother almost died because he landed on his head. It broke his neck and he had to wear the big halo for a super long time. Yeah, I have reason to hate trampoline’s. They are unsafe and I don’t understand why you would want your kids on them.

3. I’m afraid of heights. Again, not sure if this has come up. Ever since having the kids, my equalibrium has been out of whack. I’ve always had a thing about heights, but it only gets worse over the years. I fight it hard by going on tall rides at the fair and snowboarding. lol

4. I don’t mind doing windows. I know you always hear people joke that they don’t do windows, but I’d prefer them to laundry any day. At least when I do windows I can stand back and enjoy the clean view for a little while. Other things around the house get dirty the minute you turn your back.

5. I only did yardwork once this whole season. Part of the flowerbed never did get weeded this year. It was really tall with weeds until we had the wind and rain storms. Now it is laying down much nicer. I HATE WEEDING! I can think of many other things I’d rather be doing than weeding!

6. Umm, hmm, this is getting more difficult without repeating things you have already learned about me. I’d live in sandals year around if I could wear them to work. Yes, I’ve worn birkenstocks with socks. lol Up here in the Pacific Northwest we have to wear them whenever we can.

7. Hey, here might be one I haven’t talked about. I’m Native American. I’m a member of the Tsawwassen band in B.C. My family was only let back into the actual books in the 80’s when they redrafted the codes. My Grandma and namesake married a white man (gasp) and was kicked out of the tribe. My family is awesome and we have such a great time when we get a chance to hook up. I love when we hook up, within an hour we are saying eh and other goofy Canadian talk. lol

So look at that. I may have hit 7 things even you frequent readers didn’t know. I’m afraid I can’t tag anyone with this as I have done so already. Retagging makes people cranky. lolol

Running around on Black Friday is fun, but after a couple of hours I’m beat. My feet ache and my back hurts from standing in so many lines. This is why the internet then turns into my shopping mecca. I can curl up in my jammies again, make myself some cocoa and shop to my hearts content. Many of the big guys are even doing their black friday specials online this year. Course you still have to be up early to get the deals, but boy, I’d sure love to shop from my couch instead of out in the cold. lol

The Scented Tub is no different. I am personally offering 10% off all purchases made on Friday Nov. 23. When checking out, simply use the code BFVS10.

There isn’t anyone you can buy for at The Scented Tub. We have items for Men, Women and Children. From small items for great stocking stuffers to stocked gift baskets for a quick checkout.

Our holiday tub is full of fun items. Christmas soaps, snowball tarts, and gingerbread grubby candles to name a few. How about yummy scents such as egg nog, peppermint patty, and our signature Winter scent Jack Frost? You can get these scents in bath and body products, smelly jelly jars, and candles/tarts. There is no end to the smell combination in the house and on you.

Order a jar of the Jack Frost Scrub for yourself. It’s only available for a limited time and it leaves your skin so tingly. It is my favorite scrub to use on my legs after shaving. The tingly mint takes away any sting from shaving, it moisturizes if I forget lotion when I get out of the shower, and it keeps me from getting in grown hairs since it exfoliates the dead skin. Oh and there is the yummy that just wakes you up.

Layaway is available, but purchases must be paid for by Dec. 6th to insure delivery before Christmas. Please visit the site for further details on layaway or send me an email with any questions at littlescrapbookshop @ gmail.com (without the spaces).

Have fun shopping! I know I will.

The Scented Tub - Where Everything Smells Sweet!

It’s been a little while, so I thought I’d post some just for fun one’s I found recently.

You Belong in 1992

With you anything goes! You’re grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It’s all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

You Are a Bright Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays are all about fun and seasonal favorites. You are into all things Christmas, even if they’re a little tacky.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

This one is so me. Think National Lampoon’s vacation. I can only hope to some day have my house lit up like that. The tackier the better! Bring on the lights. And yes, fruitcake is my favorite Christmas treat. But I’m not sure if it ever will be again. This is the first Christmas without Grandma and I didn’t get the recipe before she passed away. I’m not sure if my husbands Aunt is going to make it or not, but I do need to get the recipe. It just won’t be Christmas without the uber-fattening fruitcake!

Here are some more ideas for great presents. Photo Blankets, pillows, and pillow cases. These are so cool! Especially for the person that has everything. They are custom printed with your image and still machine washable. That makes all the difference to me because I NEVER go to the cleaners. If it isn’t machine washable, then it’s not getting washed. lol

My favorite is the Shower Curtain. I can especially see it up at by best friends cabin. A big group picture down by the river. The cool thing is you get a great discount if you buy more than one. So order one for yourself as well.

It was really easy to order and upload my picture. Even if you’ve never used a photo uploading program you will be able to get it done quickly. Another cool option is adding text to your gift. How about a custom Photo Pillow of the kids with the text “we love you Grandma”? Can’t go wrong with that.